I Am Not Yours by Sara Teasdale

Full Text

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

Overview

A love poem about wanting to lose yourself completely—and failing. "I am not yours" opens with denial of the merger she craves. The images of dissolution (candle at noon, snowflake in sea, light in light) are beautiful annihilations she can only "long" for. The self persists: "Yet I am I." Modern love poetry often echoes this tension.

Line-by-Line Analysis

Lines 1-4

"Not lost, although I long to be"—desire for ego-death through love. Candle at noon (outshone), snowflake in sea (dissolved). Both vanish into something larger.

Lines 5-8

"You love me" isn't enough—she remains separate. "Yet I am I" is both lament and stubborn fact. "Lost as light is lost in light"—the most complete merger: indistinguishable.

Lines 9-12

The plea: "plunge me deep," "put out my senses," leave me "deaf and blind." She wants love as obliteration. The taper in rushing wind—about to be extinguished.

Themes

• Love as self-dissolution
• The persistence of identity
• Desire for merger
• Surrender and resistance

Literary Devices

Anaphora

"Lost as... Lost as..." — Repetition builds longing—each image another way to disappear.

Paradox

"I am not yours" while longing to be lost — The poem wants what it denies having. The self asserting its wish to vanish.

Light imagery

Candle, light lost in light, taper — Light sources that could be extinguished or outshone—the self as fragile flame.

Historical Context

Teasdale's love poems were immensely popular in the 1910s-20s. She married in 1914 but the marriage was unhappy. Her poems often explore love's impossibility—the gap between desire and fulfillment.